Connections

In the past two days, I have had two delightful conversations with women who both apologized for “bending my ear” or “talking too much.” The apologies were so unnecessary that I felt sad that the speakers even voiced them: I enjoyed both conversations very much and was grateful for these strangers, who took time outContinue reading “Connections”

Boundaries and obsession

This weekend, a man contacted me through a dating app. After I skimmed his profile, I was 99% sure I wasn’t interested, but I decided to continue the conversation just to see what happened. I do that sometimes, on the off chance someone pleasantly surprises me. So far they haven’t, but I’ve ended up withContinue reading “Boundaries and obsession”

Not-so-small gifts

I think the term “miracle” is overused, so I’m not going to call what’s unfolded since Friday a miracle. But I am going to acknowledge all of it, gratefully, as a series of gifts that I badly needed. For months now, since even before COVID-19, I’ve been feeling like I couldn’t stand any more hits,Continue reading “Not-so-small gifts”

When success becomes a trap

Years ago, the indie bookstore where I worked hosted a reading/signing with an author whose career was on the upswing. This person had published a couple of innovative novels that had sold quite well, and he had just released another that followed a similar conceit. A friend and I managed to coordinate our break timesContinue reading “When success becomes a trap”

On not being a mother

Last night I attended a virtual discussion between two women, both professors, about the creative body of work one of them had produced. Apparently her latest effort is concerned with female bodies, with the experiences of embodiment, so naturally the talk turned to motherhood. As a unique part of women’s embodiment. As a rite ofContinue reading “On not being a mother”

Love in the time of racial tension

It’s been a minute (as the kids say) since I’ve posted. In this cultural moment, to blog about anything other than racism and injustice would feel self-indulgent. The past months have been time for me to be quiet and listen to others’ stories. And while I understand that silence is complicity, I wanted to thinkContinue reading “Love in the time of racial tension”

The valley of the shadow of death

TW: This post talks about sexual abuse and suicide. In a typical month, I spend one to three days hating my life, caught in a bitter swirl of anxiety, feeling like there is no way forward and I am trapped and helpless. It’s premenstrual dysphoric disorder, PMS decked out with steroids, brass knuckles, and steel-toedContinue reading “The valley of the shadow of death”